my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
