I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
