I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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