A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
