apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
