I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
