Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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