It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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