Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize