I accidentally burped into my bong.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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