so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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