I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I am midnight drunk by noon
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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