someone owes me an orgasm
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
