i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
