I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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