Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
