he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
