You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
