I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
