p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
