Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
