I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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