and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
