I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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