sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
