apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
