Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
