whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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