Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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