I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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