i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
