and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
