everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
