1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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