so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
