i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you win again, gameday.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
