I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
