Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
