this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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