I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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