So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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