well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
