last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
