she smelled like a LAN party
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
