Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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