dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
