I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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