u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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