he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
