So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
