Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
