i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
