our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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