I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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