Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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