Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
