Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
