Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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