saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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