ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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