I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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