We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
