I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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