The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
