Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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