tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
