the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
