saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
