I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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