Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
