Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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