like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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