who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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