everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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