I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
