I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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