walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
