so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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