I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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