What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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