my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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