She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
