The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
