If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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