I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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