I think im going to throw up on grandma
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
