Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
