my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
soo... how was my night?
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