aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
