Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize