He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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