I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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