Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let's get the cat blown out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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