I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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