He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Randomize
