gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
