seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize