Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
