My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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