I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there was a trapeze. enough said
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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