So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have fence marks all over my body
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
