M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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