Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
