It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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