I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I look better un-naked...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
