so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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