at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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