the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
